THE INTERVIEW

James sat upright in the chair across the desk from the interviewer.  He was sure that he was ready for the interview in his pressed black pants, white shirt neatly tucked, and blue printed tie held back by a small gold chain. He had gone over the possible interview questions in his mind and felt that he was as prepared to expound on his attributes with the greatest of ease.
"Do you have a copy of your resume?" asked the interviewer.  James had emailed his resume to answer the advertisement and thought that this was the reason why he was asked to come in for an interview.  Nevertheless, he handed a copy of his resume to the interviewer and waited patiently as this ill prepared paper pusher perused his resume, comparing it to the six page application which James had spent his first twenty minutes filling out in another room while the interviewer finished his coffee. 
The interviewer looked up at James, sat back in his chair and asked, "Why are you applying for this position?" 
"Moron. I was bored and wanted to waste a day feeling nervous and trying to impress someone I don't know," thought James.
"I have extensive education and experience in this field and felt that I could contribute to the company," he replied.
"Tell me about a situation where you were asked to go against your principles." 
"This was unexpected.  What are they going to expect me to do for them?"
"I can't think of a situation at this time where that would have come up in any of my previous jobs," he replied.
"If I spoke to your last supervisor, what would he say positive and negative about you?"
"How do I know what's in his head? Or anyone's head for that matter?"
"He would say that I was dependable and trustworthy, but I was tenacious to a fault when trying to accomplish the goals set for me," James replied confidently.
"If you could be any animal, what kind of animal would you be and why?"
James thought through a long pause.  I know this is a psychological question, but c'mon, lets get serious about this.  Oh, what the heck. Just give him something to talk about. "A sloth," he replied.  "Because he is what he is and no one expects anything more from him."
"What is your ideal job?
"I'd like to come in at eleven, take an hour off for lunch, and get off at noon.  I'd like a salary at that job of a hundred thousand a year with full paid benefits, profit sharing and stock options."
"We will be interviewing other applicants over the next several days and if we feel that you would be a good fit for us we will be contacting you."  The interviewer stretched out his hand for a farewell handshake.
"Why not just be honest," said James.  "If you're not planning to call me, just say so.  I am here because I am wanting to work for this company.  If I wasn't interested I wouldn't have bothered to send you a resume in the first place.   I don't want to sit around waiting for phone calls and check my email several times a day for several days in a row if there's no reason to expect to hear from you.  I can just as easily move on to another company who needs an employee like me."
"We'll let you know," said the interviewer.  James shook his hand and turned to leave the office, relieved and somewhat vindicated.

© MC Andrews, 2013.